


Of Cats and the Crimes they Force

by arianapeterson19



Series: Avengers Shorts [100]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Breaking and Entering, First Dates, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Tony, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, M/M, Thor is a softie, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 21:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17568275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arianapeterson19/pseuds/arianapeterson19
Summary: The only reason Tony had gotten a cat was because his friends had insisted, not because his cat would eventually try to break into someone's house.ORThe one where Tony has a cat and might break a law because of said cat.





	Of Cats and the Crimes they Force

Tony was sitting on the couch when he heard a noise near the window. The window was open because it was a nice day and he didn’t want to turn on the air. His black cat made eye contact with him before hopping out onto to small balcony and jumping up to the balcony above and one window over. 

Rushing to the window, Tony found that the person living in the apartment one up and over from him had also left his window open and his cat had made his way inside.

“Dammit,” cursed Tony, leaning further out the window. “Hello? Hello!”

There was no answer.

“Um, excuse me, guy who lives in the apartment with the window open! Are you home?”

Still no answer.

Tony rolled his eyes and groaned because he couldn’t just leave his cat alone in someone else’s apartment. His cat was an asshole and while he no longer peed everywhere in Tony’s apartment he certainly did in anyone else’s. He also liked to ruin furniture and Tony did not want to pay to replace another couch because his asshole cat thought it would be fun to ruin.

“I hate him so much,” grumbled Tony, hoisting himself out of the window and onto the ledge of the balcony.

It was a generous description, to call the ledge a balcony. There wasn’t even a door leading out to it. Tony mostly kept an aloe vera plant there and a cushion because sometimes he would sit there with his plant and hide from the world. Still, if he stood on the ledge and didn’t look around long enough to realize he was five stories up, Tony could just crouch and jump and grab the iron bars of the next balcony.

That’s exactly what he did. He wasn’t as small as his cat, so he had to pull himself up – praising anyone who would listen that he didn’t skip arm day – and hoist himself over onto the balcony. Then he stuck his head through the window.

“Loki!” hissed Tony, looking around the well kept apartment. “Loki, you asshole, get out here!”

Loki, the cat, jumped onto the arm of the couch from the other side, and again made eye contact with Tony before leaning forward and coughing up a hairball.

“You are literally the worst,” moaned Tony.

Loki meowed at him before jumping back down and padding over to where Tony assumed was the kitchen, if the apartment was set up like his.

“Now we are crossing into the breaking-and-entering portion of our afternoon,” muttered Tony under his breath, hoisting himself through the window and landing gracelessly on the floor. 

He heard his cat push sometime over – and he most certainly pushed and did not knock because Loki was just that type of cat who enjoyed creating destruction just for the sake of it.

“Get a cat, they said,” said Tony to himself as he entered the kitchen to find flour everywhere. “It’ll be fun, they said! It’ll make you less lonely without the guilt of not always being him! Well FUCK YOU TOO LOKI YOU ASSHOLE!”

“Are you trying to rob me?” came an amused voice from the living room.

Tony spun around to find a large blond man standing in the living room, a messenger bag that had not been there previously now laying on the floor near the door.

“This is not what it looks like,” said Tony, holding up his hands.

“It looks like you have come to create a mess and are, in fact, succeeding,” said the man with a smirk.

“My asshole cat jumped into your apartment through your window and he’s – like I said – an asshole so I tried to catch him.”

“How did you get inside?”

“Through the window.”

“We’re six floors up.”

“I only live one floor down. I jumped. I’ll admit, it wasn’t my smartest move but I did call up and no one answered and my cat is kind of like the Joker of cats, I think he likes creating chaos just because, and I didn’t want to have to replace another couch – shit!”

“What?”

“He puked on your couch! I am so sorry.”

The man looked over and spotted the hairball now decorating his couch. He couldn’t help it, he started laughing. It was the most absurd thing that had ever happened to him and he just – he needed the laugh after the day he’d had.

“Alright, I believe you,” said the man when he had gotten ahold of himself. “I’m Thor.”

“I’m Tony and this asshole,” said Tony scooping up his cat as the little shit walked by on the island. “This is Loki, Trickster Cat Supreme who scratches people to say hello.”

“It’s nice to meet you both, as unconventional as it may be,” said Thor. 

“Sorry about the couch and the flour,” sighed Tony. “Let me go lock the fiend back up and I’ll clean this all up for you.”

“Don’t worry about it, I have a service coming in the morning, this will not be the worst thing they will have to clean and they are forever getting onto me for not providing any sort of mess to begin with,” said Thor. 

“Well if they’re bored they can come to my place,” chuckled Tony. “Are you sure you don’t want me to clean up?”

“What if instead of worrying about it we go get some pizza and you tell me how this cat came into your life,” said Thor with an easy smile.

Tony was about to say no but the Loki bit his arm.

“Yes, absolutely, I need a break from this hairball,” said Tony. “I’ll um, just use the door this time.”

Thor followed him down the hall and to his apartment where Tony tried the door but found it locked – because he had climbed through the window, not used the door like a normal person. 

“Alright, let’s call a locksmith and just order pizza to my apartment while we wait,” said Thor, still smiling because honestly the situation couldn’t get more bizarre. 

“If you don’t mind,” said Tony. “And can I use your phone? I left mine in my apartment.”

“No problem, Tony.”

Tony kind of wanted to be swallowed by the universe because this guy was hot and his cat was an asshole who was making him look like an idiot. But Thor seemed amused by the entire thing and he wasn’t calling the cops, so Tony was going to just hope for the best. At best it was the strangest first date and at worst, he wasn’t getting arrested for breaking into his neighbors apartment to get his cat.

When Thor held the door open for him and insisted on paying for the pizza even though Tony had cash in his pocket, Tony decided to lean more on the ‘strangest first date’ option.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want a Valentines Day fic, make a request either here or on tumblr. The only requirement is that it's a Tony pair. I'll post them on Valentines Day.
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


End file.
